THE CRITIC British columnist Bernard Levin, commenting on the taste of two music critics: "If this pair had been present at the miracle of the loaves and fishes, one of them would have complained that…
Sermon Illustrations
SOMETIMES BEING JUST A VISITOR HAS ITS ADVANTAGES A preacher was addressing the people one Sunday, trying to impress upon them the importance of religion. "All you people of this congregation," he cried from the…
DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY "I'm really worried," said one little boy to a friend. "Dad slaves away at his job so I'll never want for anything, so I'll be able to go to university…
THE PERFECT PASTOR Results of a computerized survey indicate that the perfect pastor preaches exactly 15 minutes. He condemns sin, but never embarrasses anyone. He works from 8 a.m. until midnight and is also the…
NEW APPROACH TO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING Couple to neighbors who have just opened their door for them: "To save postage we're hand-delivering our Christmas cards this year, and dropping in for a bit of lunch and…
CONSCIENCE It's easy enough to have a clear conscience - all it takes is a fuzzy memory.
MORE OF MURPHY'S LAW Any shoe salesman can tell you: "If the shoe fits, it's the wrong color."
DOGS O. K. A man seeking a hotel room for himself and his dog received the following reply from an innkeeper in Kingston, Jamaica: "I've been in the hotel business for 40 years and never…
ASSERTING LEADERSHIP The lion was proud of his mastery of the animal kingdom. One day he decided to make sure all the other animals knew he was the king of the jungle. He was so…
THE STORY BEHIND THE GIFT The minister was greeted at the door of the church after Sunday morning worship by a young lad. The boy looked up at the preacher and said, "Pastor, we were…
THE HEADY TASTE OF POWER Ronald Levy, a first grader in Philadelphia, was told to come directly home from school, but he arrived late almost every day. The difference in time amounted to as much…
WE'RE TALKING TOUGH Dad: "Son, when I was in the Army, we had a drill sergeant who was so tough he used to wear a wig." Son: "What's so tough about that?" Dad: "He used…
REJECTION A few years back Pepper Rodgers was in the middle of a terrible season as football coach at UCLA. It even got so bad that it upset his home life. He recalls, "My dog…
REALITY AND OTHERWISE Former NBA center and coach Johnny Kerr said his biggest test as a coach came when he coached the expansion Chicago Bulls and his biggest player was 6-8 Erwin Mueller: "We had…
BEST ALIBI When the Police League of Indiana sponsored a Best Speeding Alibi contest, one honorable mention award went to an exasperated father who was stopped with a load of fighting, squalling children in his…
WORST ALIBI From The Pittsburgh Press Amory quotes: "George Shamblin insisted to police that he was trying to save his wife from drowning when he threw rocks at her as she struggled in the Kanawha…
MIXED MOTIVES Arnold Schwarzenegger is quoted as saying: "I read where one wife plans to divorce her husband as soon as she can find a way to do so without making him happy.
ADJUSTING YOUR GOALS TO REALITY One bitterly cold winter night a young man plodded through knee- high snow to the home of the girl he had been dating regularly. Tonight was the night. He asked…
LEVELS OF LOVE A little girl stayed for dinner at the home of her first-grade friend. The vegetable was buttered broccoli and the mother asked if she liked it. The child replied very politely, "Oh…
MOTIVATION THAT WORKS The loaded station wagon pulled into the only remaining campsite. Four youngsters leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up a tent. The boys then rushed off to…
