Disobedience | Failure | Forgiveness | Grief | Guilt | Repentance | Weakness

When I went to jail, nearly two years after the cover-up trial, I had a big self-esteem problem. I was a felon, shorn and scorned, clumping around in a ragged old army uniform, doing pick and shovel work out on the desert. I wondered if anyone thought I was worth anything. For years I had been able to sweep most of my shortcoming and failures under the rug and not face them, but during the two long criminal trials, I spent my days listening to prosecutors tell juries what a bad fellow I was. Then at night I’d go back to a hotel room and sit alone thinking about what was happening to me. During that time I began to take stock. I stayed about two weeks. Every day I read the Bible, walked on the beach and sat in front of my fireplace thinking and sketching, with no outline or agenda. I had no idea where all this was leading or…

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