SECRET LOVE
Absence may make the heart grow fonder — but it doesn’t hold a candle to secrecy. The proof is in — secrecy in relationships actually fans the fires of passion. Men and women think most obsessively about past relationships that were conducted on the sly, says a University of Virginia psychologist. His lab studies also show that couples who interact in secret become more attracted to each other than those who are open. The brain actually forces us to think most about the things we try to forget, explains Daniel M. Wegner, Ph.D. Our attempts to control out behavior, thoughts, or beliefs set off two dueling mental processes. Our conscious mind attempts to implement a mental change and searches for evidence that things are going according to plan. The unconscious mind searches for evidence that we have failed at making the desired change. This monitoring process actually dooms us to think compulsively about the very thought or action we are trying to…
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