IT’S ALL IN TWOS
Visitors want to know how many services we have on Sunday, and I tell them two. They are both at eleven o’clock. One is too formal, has too many ancient hymns, and lasts too long. The other is too informal, has too many modern hymns, and lasts too long. There are also two sermons: the one I preach, which is brilliant, witty, and brief, and the one I hear people say is dull, lifeless, and far too long. We have two congregations every Sunday. Both are here at eleven. There’s the one the ushers count and the one I count. My group is always larger. The other never seems to catch up. A rule among ministers is known as the fifteen- percent add-or-subtract rule. When you tell another minister how many there were in church last Sunday, you add fifteen percent, in case of error. When he tells you how many were in his church, you subtract fifteen percent for…
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