MILITARY EVALUATIONS
Years ago, my mother told her five children that we could no longer tell each other to “SHUT UP!” so we created an alternative expression: “DISCONTINUE YOUR VERBAL ACTIVITY!” which could be said with the same venom as the earlier expression. It seems the United States military has learned to use alternative expressions with even greater creativity in its efficiency evaluations of military officers: Is not the sharpest knife in the drawer; Has a room temperature IQ; Is a prime candidate for natural deselection; Is so dense that light bends around this one; If brains were taxed, this one would get a rebate; The wheel is turning, but the hamster died. If he were more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week; Got a full 6-pack but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it; Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching; Gates are down, the lights are flashing but the train isn’t coming; Was left on the…
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