A DIETER’S CHRISTMAS
Twas the night before Christmas and all ’round my hips
were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care /in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there
While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps
had just settled down to sugar-borne naps /When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter /I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter /Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash /tore open the icebox then threw up the sash /The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow /sent thoughts of a binge to my body below /When what to my wandering eyes should appear: /a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer! /That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick /I knew in a second that I’d wind up sick. /The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer. /I closed my eyes tightly but still…
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