WHAT MATURITY TEACHES The things you learn in maturity aren't simple things such as acquiring information and skills. You learn not to engage in self-destructive behavior. You learn not to burn up energy in anxiety.…
Sermon Illustrations
DEATH FROM WAITING An elderly man went to the doctor's office for his 2 PM appointment. After three hours of waiting he got up to leave. As he passed the nurse, he told her: "I…
SHORT SHOTS It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere. Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please? There are two kinds of pedestrians-the quick and the dead. Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty. Two…
MUSIC FROM THE BLACK CIRCLE You know your stereo equipment is getting old when your grandchildren refer to your record player as the music from the black circle.
MISPLACED ENCOURAGEMENT For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription: You are not getting older, You are just getting better. Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said, "Just…
TENSION AND PENSION The definition of retirement is a farewell to tension and a welcome to pension.
I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN I 'm the life of the party, even when it lasts until 8 PM. I'm usually interested in going home before I get where I'm going. I'm good on a trip…
TAKES TIME TO BECOME A GENTLEMAN A wonderful friend had died at 92 years of age, and I was pushing a cart with his TV back to his apartment from the health care unit of…
FIRST GOLF LESSON A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co- workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of…
EVERYTHING IS FIFTY-FIFTY A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully…
THREE TIMES THREE Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?" "274" was his reply. The doctor says to…
LADY LIED TO MOM A little girl was watching her mother apply some facial cream when she asked her mother what that stuff was that she was putting onto her face. Her mother answered, "This…
REMEMBER BRING VEDDING PRESENT Abe and Sara were an elderly Swedish couple. They tried their best to keep up with the times, but truthfully, they were a bit backward. They had few friends and received…
FACET REFLECTIONS A diamond is just a rock and cannot display the properties of full light reflection until it has 26 sides cut into it. It doesn't work with less nor need more facets cut…
USE OR DECAY Jack Dean writes, "Life teaches us by examples surrounding us that not to use or be used is to invite rust, decay, demise. To stop working and using self is to stop…
CHANGE OF DIET Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Ted died…
AM I DRIVING? Two elderly women were out driving in a large car -- both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red,…
SO LOST A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park and…
MOM BORN TOO EARLY A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung…
THOUGHTS ON AGING Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. Insanity is my only means of relaxation. My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely. Everytime I think about exercise, I lie down…