BENEFITS OF COMPUTERS Computers allow us to accomplish at great speed what we never really need to do in the first place. Computers allow us to make mistakes faster than we ever were able to…
Sermon Illustrations
THE VILLAGE WELL When told that most North American women had water piped into their homes, a Nigerian woman grew somber. "How do the women speak to one another? If I didn't talk with the…
SPACE TURKEY If NASA sends a turkey into space, what sound would it make? I suppose: "Hubble, hubble, hubble."
PLAY ON WORDS If lawyers are disbarred, and clergy defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, dry cleaners depressed, and computers be disputed?
FLOATING PEW SOLUTION A potential dangerous situation has developed in the church sanctuary. The pews which are as old as the church have begun to dry out. This loss of moisture, and the subsequent loss…
ACCOMPLISH THROUGH PRAYER Man seeks power in many ways. His quest reaches out into God's universe as he travels to the moon and dreams of planetary exploration. Real power, however, is found only in prayer.…
BETTER MEN THROUGH CHEMISTRY With Viagra such a hit, drug manufacturers are bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society . . . DIRECTRA: Doses of…
PEARL PERSPECTIVE To the poet, a pearl is a tear of the sea; to the Oriental, it is a drop of dew, solidified; to the ladies, it is a jewel which they wear on their…
CHANGING MODELS A doctor is talking to his car mechanic, "Do you realize that your hourly rate is over twice what we get paid for medical care?" "Yeah, but think of it this way, Doc;…
JESUS IN HIS CAR SEAT A little boy was taking the nativity set out for his mother in preparation for Christmas. "Here is the king," the boy said, "and here are the sheep, and here…
WHERE'S JOSEPH? An eight-year-old girl was showing her preschool sister a picture of Mary and the baby Jesus. The younger girl examined the picture closely and then she asked, "Where's Joseph?" The older sister thought…
BETWEEN TWO OPPOSITES No man is able to progress when he is wavering between opposite things. -- Epictetus
WRONG WAY STREET As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a…
And then there are those things that we will NEVER understand. Things like these Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Source Unknown
And then there are those things that we will NEVER understand. Things like these Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? Source Unknown
ELEMENTARY GENDERS Elemment: Woman Symbol: Wo Atomic Weight 120(more or less) Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.…
GENDER SOFTWARE SUPPORT Here is an open letter to product support for some of the most common software available to man: Dear Product Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and…
SOLVING THE PROBLEM Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, the plane finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What…
DATA PRECEDES THEORY It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts. -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
THREE-LEGGED CHICKEN A man was driving on a country lane when he noticed that a chicken with three legs was running in front of his car. He looked down at his speedometer and saw that…
