FLAT THEOLOGY
Religious cultists convinced that flat tires were the key to salvation deflated tires on scores of buses and cars Monday, paralyzing traffic throughout the city. Police arrested thirty-two people. Terrified motorists abandoned their vehicles and fled for cover as armed police chased the cultists, who swarmed through the stalled traffic deflating more tires. Other cultists flagged down buses and then let the air out before drivers could stop them. It was unclear what purpose the cultists thought was served by the bizarre strategy. When pressed for an explanation, they said only that cult leader Alelio Bernaldez Pen told them it was God’s will. “This is God’s order to let out air,” Honora Dimagila, age forty-four, who was arrested on Monday. “Air is from God. This is the solution to the crisis in our country.” Lesson: When you don’t know how to define the problem you’re facing, you don’t have a chance of lucking onto a solution for it! From Associated Press, Columbus…
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