PREACHER PARKING ONLY An effective sign in front of the pastor's parking place was as follows: "Preacher's parking only! You park, you preach!"
Sermon Illustrations
BLOW THE DENTS OUT A young driver was driving his car home and got caught in a bad hailstorm. His car was covered with dents. He took the car to the body shop to see…
STATEMENT IN A FOREST If a man says something in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE The former fireman was explaining to his wife why he was no longer working as a fireman. "Well, the fire on one end of the warehouse got so bad, that I…
GREENS FEE An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn't quite make it. She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, listing: "Delivery Room…
LOST GOLF BALL Two guys were playing golf. One never lost his ball and the other kept loosing one ball after another. The second fellow complained that this was getting too expensive. "Then you should…
NAIVE WATER Ever wonder about those who spend two dollars for a little bottle of Evian water? Just spell Evian backwards.
UNBREAKABLE TOYS Why are some toys unbreakable? Those are the ones used to break the other toys.
MATERNAL GUILT God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.
Creation | Creationism | Evolution | Faith | Ideas | Intelligence | Knowledge | Self | Understanding
INTELLIGENCE OF EVOLUTION Evolution is a good example of that modern intelligence which, if it destroys anything, destroys itself. Evolution is either an innocent scientific description of how certain earthly things came about; or, if…
INTERNET KNOWLEDGE Everything there is to know is now on the Internet. The only problem is that you will never find it when you need it. Anonymous, adapted by Michael Hodgin
PROBLEMS WITH WAR One boring afternoon, Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade when his telephone rang. "Hello Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice says, "This is Paddy down in County…
MARK TWAIN WIT A few quips from Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain): I am different from Washington; I have a higher, grander standard of principle. Washington could not lie. I can lie, but I won't. I…
THE 23RD PSALM INTERPRETED The Lord is my Shepherd... THAT'S RELATIONSHIP! I shall not want... THAT'S SUPPLY! He maketh me to lie down in green pastures... THAT'S REST! He leadeth me beside still waters... THAT'S…
EARS & UDDERS A farmer was milking his cow, when he happened to look up. He noticed a fly buzz into one of the cow's ears. After he'd finished milking her, he noticed a fly…
OUT OF BLUE CRAYONS In Chris Browne's Hagar The Horrible, Hagar and his sidekick are up to their elbows in water. Hagar is studying a map and asks his buddy: "When you made this map,…
HA, HA, HA, PLOP Question: What goes HA, HA, HA, plop? Answer: Someone who laughs his head off!
BOTH LIKE HONEY A while ago I began a message by asking "What do John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have in common?" The answer is supposed to be "They have the same middle…
WHO WILL BE BOYS Boys will be boys and so will a lot of middle aged men. -- Kin Hubbard
OLD HABITS There was a fire one night at a convent and several retired nuns who lived on the fourth floor were trapped. They were praying for the Lord to show them a way out…
