FLOATING PEW SOLUTION
A potential dangerous situation has developed in the church sanctuary. The pews which are as old as the church have begun to dry out. This loss of moisture, and the subsequent loss of weight, has led to the distinct possibility that they might float free. This presents the possibility that during worship, a free-floating pew could physically damage a member or guest. Further, it is believed that even if a member or a guest were able successfully to dodge an oncoming free-floating pew, the evasive action would certainly disrupt the spiritual tranquillity of the worshipping dodger. The problem was brought before a committee in the latter part of last year. The committee first considered using steel cables to anchor the pews to bedrock, which is 247 feet beneath the church. After receiving the cost estimate of $14,912.77 and extensive consultation with engineers, this idea was abandoned. The committee, after deliberating, decided that adding weight to the pews would be a better…
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