SHORT SHOTS It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere. Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please? There are two kinds of pedestrians-the quick and the dead. Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty. Two…
Sermon Illustrations
DISHONEST GOLF BUDDIES Sid and Barney head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only nine holes. Sid offers Barney, "Let's say we make the…
A TICKET TO RIDE Three economists and three mathematicians were going for a trip by train. Before their journey the mathematicians bought three tickets (they could count to three) and economists only one. Mathematicians were…
WHAT GOD WON'T ASK 1.God won't ask what kind of fancy car you drove. He will ask how many people you took to church who did not have transportation. 2.God won't ask the square footage…
MAUI MACDONALDS Recently, a man in our congregation was making plans with his wife for how they would like to celebrate their anniversary. He asked her where she would like to go out for dinner.…
TENSION AND PENSION The definition of retirement is a farewell to tension and a welcome to pension.
PURCHASES TELL A STORY Sunday morning, I made a quick run to the local grocery store for some milk for breakfast. As I waited in line to check out, I noticed the man in front…
EDIBLE LUNCH MONEY Mom gave Jimmy some money on his first day of school. He immediately stuck it in his mouth and swallowed it. His mother was shocked! "Why did you swallow the money?" she…
WEDDING LUNCH BOXES At the end of the wedding receiving line were two young children distributing little white boxes that looked a bit like lunch boxes. Several good chocolate candies were in each box. The…
SIN EXAGGERATES GOOD THINGS Sin . . . rides on the back of many good things. For example, work is a good thing, but sin can take it and exalt it to the point where…
TAXING THE WHOLE WORLD The Sunday School teacher began the lesson with a review of what they had learned last week. The teacher asked, "Who decreed that the whole world would be taxed?" With all…
TAXATION SCAM At the risk of being audited this year, I submit the following satire by C. Richard Stone: SCAM ALERT! WARNING! PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY! THIS IS SERIOUS!!! If you get an envelope from a…
BARBIE GETS DIVORCED A man is driving home from work and suddenly remembers that it is his daughter's birthday and that he has not bought her a gift. He turns his car around and heads…
TAXING GOD A little boy needed $100 very badly and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up. Then he decided to…
Y2K NAMES You've no doubt heard about the Y2K problem, the world's biggest programming boo- boo. But hundreds of companies are dealing with a more prosaic Y2K problem: somewhere in their name is the soon-to-…
FLIPPING THE PRESIDENTS A low-achieving man was explaining why he was fired as an investigator for the treasury department. "I arrested a couple of alleged counterfeiters; but it turned out they were not counterfeiting at…
TOO MUCH CREDIT It was time for the wedding. The groom was there. The minister was there. The best man was there. The organist was there. The father was preparing to escort his daughter, the…
WHAT'S GOOD FOR THE BANK This letter is an extract from the Sydney Morning Herald, Australia: My Dear Bank Manager, I am writing to thank you for bouncing the cheque with which I endeavored to…
LARRY KING ON FREE BASEBALL America would be a better place if children could attend major-league baseball games free. -- Larry King Larry King, 65, talk-show host, as quoted in "Big Ideas for a Better…
LONG-TERM LOTTERY State governments watched the gambling phenomenon make certain cities rich and finally decided to claim some of the riches themselves. They started with some rather lucrative lotteries and continued to increase the winnings…
