DUAL PURPOSE OBITUARY A woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs…
Sermon Illustrations
COLLECTED WISDOM Don't sweat the petty things; and don't pet the sweaty things One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. I doubt, therefore, I might be. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday…
CANNOTS BY ABRAHAM LINCOLN 1. You cannot bring prosperity by discouraging thrift. 2. You cannot help small men by tearing down big men. 3. You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. 4. You…
GHANDI ON SEVEN SINS OF A DYING SOCIETY Ghandi, a now deceased, non-Christian world leader listed seven sins of a dying society that are capable of rotting out a nation from the inside: Wealth without…
WHAT POSSESSES YOU That which you cannot give away, you do not possess. It possesses you. Ivern Ball
VODKA WAGES Teachers in central Russia will be receiving their monthly salaries in vodka, because the government's coffers are empty, the ITAR_Tass news agency reported. The 8,000 educators in Altai Republic, about 1,850 miles east…
REPLACEMENT INSURANCE A farmer's barn burned down and his wife called the insurance company. She told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty-thousand dollars, and I want my money." The agent replied,…
PARROTS TASTE LIKE CHICKEN Three sons leave home, go out on their own and prosper. Getting back together, they discuss the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first says: "I built…
JOBS OR COLLEGE Two friends who hadn't seen each other in years met in a supermarket. One woman asked, "Tell me, Ruth, how is your son George?" "He's getting along fine," Ruth replied. "He's a…
TODAY By Henry Matthew Ward When I got mad and hit my child "For his own good," I reconciled, And then, I realized my plight . . . Today I taught my child to fight.…
FEDERAL OSTRICH STUDIES Word has it, there was a federally funded grant to discover why ostriches have such long necks. After thousands of dollars were spent, the discovery was made: The reason ostriches have such…
FOR THE STONE A woman was talking to her friends about her husband who had passed away. When her husband was on his death bed, he told her that he had three envelopes in his…
RIGHT TIME TO DIE One time my daughter and I were taking the Grayline Bus Tour of Chicago. As our bus stopped in front of a movie theater, our guide pointed to an alley, and…
THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER THE CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool…
SIMPLY IRRESISTIBLE A guy was walking along the beach when he ran across a lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it and, of course, a genie popped out. The genie told his new master he…
EDGE OF POVERTY I make a point of staying right at the edge of poverty. I don't have a pair of pants without a hole in them, and the only pair of boots I have…
TEN THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY Don Maddox sent us the following "thoughts for the day" in a list of twenty. We ran a check on back issues and found that we had already used ten…
AIRLINES & HARDWARE STORES Buying paint from a hardware store: Customer: Hi, how much is your paint? Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for $18. How many gallons would you…
LUCKY SAUCER An art dealer was walking through a city when he noticed a mangy old cat that was lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. As he continued to walk,…
GROCERY STORE EMPLOYEES If you went into the local grocery store and started stocking their shelves, that would not make you an employee. It might get you some strange looks or even an invitation to…