DEFINITION OF AN AUDITOR An auditor is person who shows up at the end of the battle and bayonets all of the wounded.
Sermon Illustrations
CANINE STOCK EXCHANGE "My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money." -- Joe Weinstein
THE IDEAL HUSBAND There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it…
GREENS FEE An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn't quite make it. She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, listing: "Delivery Room…
NAIVE WATER Ever wonder about those who spend two dollars for a little bottle of Evian water? Just spell Evian backwards.
COPPER WIRE INVENTED BY LAWYERS Question: How was copper wire invented? Answer: Two lawyers were arguing over a penny.
TOLL BOOTH OF MADNESS Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
DON'T FORGET THE PENNY A Scottish lad and his lassie were sitting next to each other in the Scottish Highlands. They sat in silence for a while just gazing over the glen. The lass turned…
WET PLATE SPECIAL A man from Texas was dining at a fancy restaurant in New York City. The food server brought out bread and a plate. The man looked at the plate and asked the…
NOTHING LEFT OVER A man is going out of town and needs to board his horse for a couple of months. He asks a local farmer about it and the guy says, "Sure, but I…
ALLOWANCE INFLATION "I don't mind that my son is earning more than I did on my first job. What disturbs me is that he's six and it's his allowance." From Better Families
FREE GIRL IS EXPENSIVE Nothing can be more expensive than a girl who happens to be free for the evening.
RICH ANCESTORS Misers aren't much fun to live with but they make wonderful ancestors.
EDUCATION or IGNORANCE Education will never become as expensive as ignorance. Subm itted by Dicky Love
LEARNING FOR A LIFETIME If a man empties his purse into his head, no one can take it from him. -- Ben Franklin
TAX IT, THEN SUBSIDIZE IT The government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops…
THREE LAMENTS Employee's Lament: I'm working too hard. I'm not paid enough. I'm smarter than my boss. I work harder than the other employees. They're ripping me off and taking advantage of me. They're fortunate…
OFFERING FOR THE HEATHEN A young deacon with few manners was passing the collection plate one Sunday. After passing the plate by a rich lady he noticed that she did not put anything in. So…
DOWNSHIFTERS In 1995, Harvard Economist Juliet Schor and the Merk Family Fund surveyed eight hundred American adults. They discovered that 28% had downshifted their lifestyles in order to experience more quality in their lives. According…
MATURING IN GIVING In Run with the Horses, Eugene Peterson tells how he saw a family of birds teaching their young to fly. Three young swallows were perched on a dead branch that stretched out…
