LOTTERY PACKING A woman gets home, runs into her house, slams the door and shouts, "Honey, pack your bags, I won the lottery." The husband says, "Wow! That's great! Should I pack for the ocean…
Sermon Illustrations
IS KOBE BRYANT HAPPY? Kobe Bryant is the twenty-year-old basketball superstar on the Los Angeles Lakers. Newsweek profiled him on May 31, 1999, saying he is a $70 million man, heir apparent to Michael Jordan,…
YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING OLD Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. There are three signs of old age. The first is…
TWO-FOR-ONE OBITUARY A woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her…
INTENTIONS & ACTIONS People see your actions, not your intentions. You say your heart is gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg. Fame is vapor, popularity is an accident, riches take wings. One thing endures…
UNUSUAL TIMES The paradox of our time in history is that we have: taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it…
WORDS OF WISDOM Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself,…
FIRST INVITATION A woman came out of her house and saw three old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard... She did not recognize them... She said, "I don't think I know…
FUTILE GAIN A man found a magic lamp, rubbed it, and out came a genie, offering him one wish. After thinking hard, he asked for a copy of the newspaper dated one year from today.…
WEALTH OF CONTENTMENT John Muir was to have said that he considered himself richer than a certain well-known magnate by saying, " I have all the money I want and he hasn't."
WEALTH FAME & HAPPINESS The message of Christmas is one of joy. "Joy to the World," the angel proclaimed. Evangelist, Luis Palau, remarked on the radio that Elvis Presley once said that he aspired to…
YOU'RE GETTING OLD IF YOU REMEMBER: Being sent to the drugstore to test vacuum tubes for the TV or radio. When Kool-Aid was the only other drink for kids, other than milk and sodas. When…
WHO WROTE WHAT? A gentleman was touring the Mann Center for Performing Arts in Tel Aviv. The tour guide was pointing out all the great features of the building. Finally, a tourist said, "I assume…
57 CENTS At the beginning of the twentieth century, a sobbing little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it 'was too crowded'. "I can't go to Sunday…
LOST CREDIT CARD A teenaged daughter had lost her credit card but was too embarrassed to report the loss to her father. After six weeks, she could stand it no longer. She went to her…
GAS PRICES IN PERSPECTIVE Editor's Note: Here is a little gem that is making its way around on the Internet. In case you have not seen it, here it is. In case you have seen…
EARNING A PROPHET Question: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? Answer: Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
SHORT SHOTS 1. A joint checking account is never overdrawn by the wife, it is just underdeposited by the husband. 2. If I had kept my mouth shut, I wouldn't be here: the sign under…
DENIED TAX DEDUCTIONS Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better. This is one of those. It is a real letter submitted to the IRS the midst…
INSATIABLE WIFE Two down-and-outers sat on a park bench discussing better days. "I had a glorious future at one time, man. I know that may be hard to believe, but it's true. I was a…
