CAR PROBLEM RSCTIVES A computer salesman, a hardware engineer, and a software engineer are driving in a car together. Suddenly the right rear tire blows out, and the car rolls to a stop. The three…
Sermon Illustrations
COMEDIC QUIPS Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography. -- Paul Rodriguez Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? -- John Mendoza I had a linguistics…
BARE HUNTING Question: What is the best way to hunt bear? Answer: With your clothes off.
FALSELY ACCUSED Actor Don Knotts, of "The Apple Dumpling Gang" is notorious for playing the bumbling, not too bright characters. And these comical portrayals of his endear him to us. One of his early movies…
SIN & ELECTRICITY Dealing with sin is like dealing with electrical problems: 1. We know there is a problem, but the location is not known. (unconcern) 2. When we go searching for it, the problem…
THE GOD OF PSALM 46 He is not a Christian Scientist God. He did not say, the mountains aren't really shaking. The seas aren't really roaring. Nor is he a faith healing God. He did…
NOISY CONSCIENCE Conscience is that still, small voice that is sometimes too loud for comfort. -- Bert Murray
AVERAGE FUGITIVE I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. -- William H. Mauldin
GRAD SCHOOL LIGHT BULBS How many grad students does it take to change a light bulb? One to change it and two professors to take all the credit.
BULLETIN BLOORS The following mistakes are from church bulletins: Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors…
ACCENT ON STRESS The problem with having the accent on children is the stress it puts on the parents.
TEN COMMANDMENTS MULTIPLIED Frank and Ernest are standing in front of row after row of shelves of books. On top of one of the shelves is a sign which reads, "Law Library." Franks turns and…
ROAMING CATHOLICS What do you call a nun who walks in her sleep? A Roaming Catholic.
CONVERSATIONAL FINISH Brutus Thornapple, the Born Loser, is sitting in his easy chair reading the paper and occasionally saying, "Uh-huh . . . yeah..." His wife Gladys says, "Brutus dear, you can stop with the…
EMPTIED FIRST Some are not filled because they must first be emptied. Even God cannot fill what is already full. -- Vance Havner
A WORD SAID by Emily Dickinson A word is dead When it is said, Some say. I say it just Begins to live That day.
WEALTH MEASURED Measure wealth not by the things you have, but by the things you have for which you would not take money. -- Source Unknown
MARITAL SCISSORS Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them. -- Sydney Smith
EXHAUSTING CHILD A little boy was playing outside on a cold, damp winter morning. As he played, he watched the vapor of his breath. After a few minutes, he ran into the house and announced…
NOT TOO PICKY A woman went into a restaurant and ordered the breakfast special, "I want my pancakes well done," she said. "You need to cook them all the way through and golden brown on…
