EDUCATIONAL EXCUSES The following are actual excuse notes that parents sent to school: Please eckuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33. Please excuse Roland from P. E. for a…
Sermon Illustrations
THE RFECT PLACE A farmer had lived on the same small farm all his life. He desperately craved for a change. He decided to sell the old home place and buy another farm -- one…
OUR PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE We are immortal until our work on earth is done. -- George Whitefield Man was predestined to have free will. - - Hal Lee Luyah Knowing that I am not…
CONFUSING QUESTIONS What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane? If fire fighters fight fire and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?…
ROYALTY INSTEAD OF REJECTION Long years of exile far from home, Forgotten in his deep despair, Mephibosheth awaited death, No hope of ever leaving there. Alone, forsaken, in Lodebar, His farm was dry, scant food…
PUT THE WALNUT IN FIRST I once read a story about a small jar filled with tiny grains of rice and one large walnut in their midst. If you emptied the jar and put the…
THE ANGRY BEAT THE ANGRY In the Ft. Worth Star Telegram on October 14, 1995, it was reported that a man in Hawaii was beaten up and hospitalized by his anger control therapist. A convicted…
SNUFFING OUT THE FEAR Dr. Roy Honeycutt recalls an incident while teaching about suffering in the book of Job in a church in Arkansas. A woman in the class who was married to a young…
IF YOU CHOOSE Among the inspirations that stand out so vividly is the advice given by a university president to his students: "If you choose to work, you will succeed; if you don't, you will…
FIRST THINGS FIRST A priest and a rabbi were playing golf together for the first time. The rabbi noticed that the priest was an excellent putter. He also saw that before every putt, the priest…
THE GRACE RACE The frustrating thing about a life of grace Is recognizing other runners in the race, But Jesus didn't prescribe a particular standard Except the rule of love Which, by the way, is…
GOING FARTHER "Where are you going, holy man?" a peasant in India asked an old traveler as they stood together in the shade of a tree. The old man answered, "To a city far away."…
WHAT CHURCH DAMNATION A little boy wanted to tell his friends what kind of church he attended, so he asked his mother, "Mom, what damnation do we belong to?"
CHEAP IS EXNSIVE It takes a lot of money to make me look this cheap -- Dolly Parton
AFRAID OF ONLY MOM A little girl asked her father if he was afraid of the dark. He told her he was not. She asked if he was afraid of snakes. He said he was…
GET ME OFF IN BUFFALO A big executive boarded a New York to Chicago train. He explained to the porter: "I'm a heavy sleeper and I want you to be sure to wake me at…
LAZY TIMING The problem with lazy people is that they tend to rest before they get tired. Adapted from a submission by David Rushton, Bloomingdale, Illinois
AFTERLIFE UNDERWEAR I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear. -- Woody Allen
LAWYER THANKS GOD It was a banquet of celebrities in New York City. The toastmaster discovered there was no clergyman present to bless the food. So he asked a lawyer to say grace. The lawyer…
MEDITATION DEFINED Meditation is attention with intention. Dr. W. H. Griffeth-Thomas, quoted in Westminster Pulpit, volume. 9, pg. 108
