FILM FOR THE MEMORY Everyone has a photographic memory; But some don't have film!
Sermon Illustrations
PRAYER OPENS DOORS Before me, closed doors - why, I know not! He promised to provide, has He forgot? I cannot seem to find the proper key; O God, why do the doors stay locked…
TRAVEL AGENT TALES 1. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the…
WE CHOOS E... We choose how we shall live; courageously or in cowardice, honorable or dishonorably, with purpose or in drift. We decide what is important and what is trivial in life. We decide that…
ELEVEN-YEAR- OLDS' SCIENCE TESTS: The following answers are from science exams taken by eleven-year-olds: "Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water." "When you breathe,…
WHO HAS TITLE? A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel…
ONCE SHAVED, ALWAYS SHAVED After twenty years of shaving himself every morning, a man in a small Southern town decided he had had enough. He told his wife that he intended to let the local…
OPTIMIST & PESSIMIST An optimist looks at an oyster and expects to find a pearl. A pessimist looks at an oyster and expects ptomaine poisoning. A pessimist has no starter, an optimist has no brakes.…
TEMPTATION HOURS Temptation rarely comes in working hours; It is in their leisure time that men are made or marred. -- W. T. Taylor
GOD TIME Before the hills in order stood, Or earth received her frame, From everlasting Thou art God; To endless years the same. A thousand ages in Thy sight Are like an evening gone, Short…
SERMON SOLUTION Some people think a thirty-minute sermon is too long, so they substitute a three hundred-column Sunday paper or a three- hour movie or ball game.
POLLUTION SOLUTION Detroit is one city that knows how to deal with air pollution. It pumps its air into the tires of the cars it manufactures and quietly ships it out of town. From the…
CIRCULAR REASONING Some years ago while on the faculty of the University of Missouri in Columbia, I called my wife, Ann, and asked her to pick me up at the circle drive near Switzler Hall…
SMART DOG A dog enters a butcher shop with a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note and reads, "12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please." The butcher looks, and, lo and…
SELF- DISCIPLINED SPORTS FANS Football builds self-discipline. What else would induce a spectator to sit out in the open in sub- freezing weather?
JOB OR MINISTRY A job is your choice; A ministry is at Christ's call. /In a job you expect to receive; In a ministry you expect to give./In a job you give something to get…
MAKING MOUNTAINS It is easy to make a mountain out of a molehill -- just add a little more dirt. Anonymous, from The Sword Scrapbook
READING LION Two explorers were on a jungle safari when suddenly a ferocious lion jumped in front of them. "Keep calm," the first explorer whispered. "Remember what we read in the book on wild animals:…
MALAPROPISMS If you can't do it right, do it yourself. /Arrogance is bliss./Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. No news travel fast. Every clown has a silver lining. Run it up the flag pole and…
COMEDY COLLECTION I told someone I was getting married, and they said "Have you picked a date yet?" I said, "Wow, you can bring a date to your own wedding!?" "What a country!" -- Yakov…
