MATZO BRAILLE A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park. He sat down on a bench and began eating. A blind man came by and sat down next to him.…
Sermon Illustrations
FLIPPING THE PRESIDENTS A low-achieving man was explaining why he was fired as an investigator for the treasury department. "I arrested a couple of alleged counterfeiters; but it turned out they were not counterfeiting at…
OMNIPRESENT BARTENDER A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for…
BACK WOODS MENU A couple had been driving the back roads through the remote hills of Kentucky. It had been a longer trip than they had expected, and they were quite hungry. When they finally…
INFECTIOUS CAUSE OF DEATH James Garfield was a lay preacher and principal in his denominational college. He was ambidextrous and could write Greek with one hand and Latin with the other at the same time.…
FOUR ENGINEERS & ONE BROKEN CAR There are four engineers traveling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a computer engineer. The car breaks down. "Sounds to me as…
RESPONDING TO SUFFERING Martin Gray, survivor of the Warsaw ghetto and the holocaust writes in his book For Those I Loved that after the holocaust, he rebuilt his life, became successful, married, and raised a…
PRAYER OF ST FRANCIS Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred . . . let me sow love Where there is injury . . . pardon Where there is doubt…
ARAMAIC LORD'S PRAYER This is said to be a direct translation of the original Aramaic Lord's Prayer. I question that since I've never heard of any original Aramaic sources for the New Testament; even the…
TOO DRUNK TO WALK A man is at the bar, and falls to the floor, apparently too drunk to even walk. Some of the guys decide to be good Samaritans and escort him home. So…
FLYWHEEL OF HABIT Habit is the flywheel of society. -- William James
WRONG DESTINATION A number of years ago I was going to attend a conference in St. Louis. In order to get to the conference I had to catch a connecting flight that took me to…
BIBLE ACRONYM What does BIBLE mean? B - BASIC I - INSTRUCTIONS B -BEFORE L - LEAVING E -EARTH From Ted M. Robinson
TALKING KEYBOARD For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room.…
FOR BEST RESULTS For best results--follow instructions.
TEAMMATE WITH THE MASTER Wishing to encourage her young son's progress on the piano, a mother took her boy to a Paderewski concert. After they were seated, the mother spotted a friend in the audience…
WRONG DRINK There's this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble- making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the…
WHATEVER STATE I'M IN One account of the Old Testament, probably originating somewhere in the Eastern Seaboard of the United States, recalls that Moses had a stuttering problem. When God asked Moses where he wanted…
TODAY I CAN Today I can complain about my health, OR I can celebrate being alive. Today I can moan that it is raining, OR be joyful at all that grows from the rain. Today…
PARROT & THE PLUMBER A woman owned a parrot that could say only one thing, "Who is it?" For years and years she had been trying to teach the bird to extend its vocabulary, but…
