CORRECT BUT USELESS ANSWER A helicopter was flying above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's…
Sermon Illustrations
LESS THAN JOHN HANCOCK Does the name Thomas McKean sound familiar? Probably not. Thomas McKean was one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence. The problem with his signing of the declaration, however, is…
DENYING THE LAMP OF LIFE Can we, whose souls are lighted, With wisdom from on high, Can we to men benighted, The lamp of life deny? Salvation, O salvation! The joyful sound proclaim, till earth's…
CLIMBING THE AUTO WALLS I 'm the worst person to be stuck with in a traffic jam. I start pounding the wheel, honking the horn, looking for a way out. If I can't find a…
WHITE AND CLEAN WOOL An evangelist on a speaking tour in a foreign country observed a woman washing wool in a stream. She placed it in a sieve and repeatedly dipped it into the water,…
THE MOUTH TELLS THE STORY Medical research indicates that the mouth is an accurate indicator of a person's overall health. For example, if someone has a heart problem most likely it will show up in…
THE PERFECT CHURCH A rich man went to his pastor and said, "I want you and your wife to take a three-month trip to the Holy Land at my expense. When you come back, I'll…
SLAM THE CAT Deacons Arnold and Lee were going door-to-door; inviting people to church. When they knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them she told them in no…
BURIAL FOR TWO Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you…
OF CATS & MEN "I've never understood why women love cats." Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect…
TODAY By Henry Matthew Ward When I got mad and hit my child "For his own good," I reconciled, And then, I realized my plight . . . Today I taught my child to fight.…
BOMBECK RESOLUTIONS Erma Bombeck offered the following New Year's resolutions: 1. I'm going to clean up this dump as soon as the kids grow up. 2. I will go to no doctor whose office plants…
WHEN CROSSING THE RIVER On the way to his inauguration, Abraham Lincoln stopped in New York. He spoke with Horace Greeley. Greeley asked Lincoln, "Will the nation be plunged into a civil war?" Lincoln replied…
GOD'S LAWS DON'T BEND A little boy in Sunday School once asked his teacher why the Ten Commandments had been written in stone and not on parchment. The answer his teacher gave him may not…
LESSONS FROM NOAH'S ARK All I really needed to know, I learned from Noah's Ark: 1. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark. 2. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone…
AS I PRAYED I said, "God, I hurt." And God said, "I know." I said, "God, I cry a lot." And God said, "That is why I gave you tears." I said, "God, I am…
A CROOKED STICK Ugandan Archbishop, Janani Luwum, was asked about his association with the tyrant Idi Amin; shortly afterward he was abducted and executed. His answer was: "The best way to show a stick is…
OUTBREAK OF HATE Kip Kinkel, the seventeen-year-old Springfield, Oregon student who killed his parents and then gunned down two students and wounded twenty-five others at his high school wrote in his journal: "I am so…
WHAT TO GET YOUR MAN Ladies, here is some help in selecting that special gift for the man in your life! Rule #1: When in doubt -- buy him a cordless drill. It does not…
LAWS OF WORK If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt. Don't be…
