PARROT SHOOTING Two men are standing at the top of a cliff. One has two bungies, one on each shoulder. The other has a parrot and a shotgun. The first guy jumps off the cliff…
Sermon Illustrations
ONE ABSTAINED I was holding a notice from my thirteen-year-old son's school announcing a meeting to preview the new course in sexuality. Parents could examine the curriculum and take part in an actual lesson presented…
ACTUAL T-SHIRTS FOR WOMEN Guys have feelings too. But, like, who cares? I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're okay now. Warning: I have an attitude…
CONFIDENT WIFE Bob was in his usual place in the morning - sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry…
WHICH WORSHIP MUSIC In this era of sorting out the musical tastes of people in worship, Marva Dawn offers a fresh perspective about hymns and choruses: "If worship is for God, then it doesn't matter…
MUST BE THE DRINKING A drunk goes to the doctor complaining of tiredness and headaches. "I feel tired all the time, my head hurts, I've got a sore ass, and I'm not sleeping. What is…
COMPARING MISTRESSES A husband and his wife are having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll…
WHEN MOM'S HAIR TURNS GRAY One evening a young girl was staring at her mother for the longest time. The girl noticed that some of the hairs on her mother's head were no longer brown…
FOR THE STONE A woman was talking to her friends about her husband who had passed away. When her husband was on his death bed, he told her that he had three envelopes in his…
START THE DAY WITH JESUS A little boy returned from Sunday School. His mother asked him what he learned. He said he learned about Jesus. His mother asked what he had learned about Jesus. The…
A MESSAGE FROM GOD Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle,…
NOT SO INTELLIGENT INTELLIGENCE I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot. Some days I get more out of the New York Times. -- John F. Kennedy
BILL'S WIDOW Three guys were working on a high rise building project-- Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says, "Someone should go…
MORE BULLETIN BLOOPERS "Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa." "PRAYER & FASTING CONFERENCE: The…
DENZEL'S DIRECTION A recent news article about Denzel Washington illustrates the powerful effect that a word of "encouragement" can make. On January 8, 2000, the Associated Press reported that Denzel Washington says he owes his…
SPIRITUAL GATHERINGS A preacher was finishing a temperance sermon, and with passion he concluded, ''If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater…
THE PROPER TIME FOR HUNGER Three cowboys had been riding the range since early in the morning. One of them was a Navajo. They had been so busy herding stray cattle throughout the day, there…
AN HONEST MECHANIC A woman who knew little about cars took her car to a repair shop for a routine inspection but was worried that the mechanic would overcharge her for services that were never…
SMOOTH BOYS A little girl asked her mother "Man I go outside and play with the boys?" Mother replied, "No you may not play with the boys; they're too rough." The little girl thought about…
IN- LAWED OUTLAWS If marriages were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws. Roger Slick
