LIFE'S CONTRADICTION Not long ago, an affluent woman whose husband had just died was discussing funeral plans with the minister. "My husband would want two songs sung at his funeral: AMAZING GRACE and I DID…
Sermon Illustrations
HYMN SELECTIONS One Sunday morning a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked them to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever…
NO NO-FAULT MARRIAGES Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
QUICK, DEAD, & MARRIED God instituted marriage so men would not fear death. The Bible says there are two kinds of people: the quick and the dead. A married man has to be quick, or…
MARRIAGE & SPENDING A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
NATURE, ART, & AGE Beautiful young people are acts of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.
SLAMMIN' MOM Pappy sees his teenage son leaving the house with a lantern and asks him, "Whar' ya goin' boy?" He turned and replied, "I'm a-goin' courting on Betty-Jo." Pappy offered a bit of fatherly…
LIFE SPANS OF MEN Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
SUPERIOR MALE SELF-IMAGES Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
RUNNING OUT OF MIND "Oh my," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm almost out of my mind . . . " Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "It's about time after you've…
MISSING THE CIRCUS Once when I was a teenager, my father and I were standing in line to buy tickets for the circus. Finally, there was only one family between us and the ticket counter.…
ELEMENTARY GENDERS Elemment: Woman Symbol: Wo Atomic Weight 120(more or less) Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.…
REMEMBERING MISTAKES Any married man should forget his mistakes; there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
MOTHER MARY'S SPIT I 've always wondered about the Scripture (Mark 8:22-26) that tells us Jesus spit, " Jesus took the blind man by the hand . . ." Here is an imagined conversation: "When…
GIVING HER A RING The girl asked her boyfriend, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?" "Sure, " replied her boyfriend. "What's your phone number?"
KIDS SQUIRT PEOPLE Squirt guns don't squirt people . . . kids do.
SMART & DUMB Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy Dumb man + smart woman = affair Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage Smart boss + smart…
OVER-GENDER-ALIZED PURCHASES A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
MIKEY'S GOAL The following story is narrated by a soccer mom: Last night was the last soccer game for my eight-year-old son's soccer team. It was the final quarter. The score was two to one…
MORNING APPEARANCES Men wake up as good looking as they went to bed. (not necessarily a compliment) Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
