LEARNING PATIENCE Let the first impulse pass, wait for the second. -- Baltasar Gracian
Sermon Illustrations
SPEED OF ANGER Not even the fastest horse can't catch a word spoken in anger. Chinese proverb
TWO-FOR-ONE OBITUARY A woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her…
INTENTIONS & ACTIONS People see your actions, not your intentions. You say your heart is gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg. Fame is vapor, popularity is an accident, riches take wings. One thing endures…
POTATO SOUND If GH can stand for P as in Hiccough If OUGH stands for O as in Dough If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour…
WRONG NUMBER A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that…
FLIES & BOLOGNA Two flies were buzzing around a messy kitchen table where someone had recently prepared a bologna sandwich. The knife used to slice the bologna was covered with little particles of the meat.…
CHURCH HUSHERS A six-year-old girl and her four year old brother were sitting together in church. The boy giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally his older sister was tired of his nonsense. "You're not…
JAILERS & JEWELERS Question: What difference is there between a jailer and a jeweler. Answer: A jailer watches cells all day and a jeweler sells watches all day.
COLLECTIONS IN HELL A grocer died and found himself at the gates of hell. In answer to his knock, the devil demanded: "What do you want?" "I'm here," replied the grocer, "to collect from some…
GOOD & NOT GOOD Some years ago the king of a small African country and his friend were on a hunting expedition. The king always had a positive attitude and regardless of what happened, he…
SILENT HUSBANDS A boy comes home and tells his father that he got a part in the school play. The father asks him what role he was to play. The boy says, "I get to…
KEEPING FISH FROM SMELLING A woman walked into the fish market and asked the owner how she could keep her fish from smelling. The man chopped off the head of another fish, looked up at…
PATIENCE WITH THE PASTOR A man met with his pastor to discuss his lack of patience. "Pastor, it just seems like I am under a lot of stress. I keep losing my temper at everyone…
LOYALTY FOR SYMPATHY Dale Carnegie once said, "Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you."
DEVIL & TEMPTATIONS The Devil is easy to identify. He appears when you're terribly tired and makes a very reasonable request which you know you shouldn't grant. -- Fiorello La Guardia
AGGRAVATION, IRRITATION, & FRUSTRATION A boy was doing a vocabulary homework assignment and asked his father how the words aggravation, irritation, and frustration differed from one another. His father picked up the phone and told…
LIVING OR DEAD The executive was interviewing an applicant for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone,…
LEADERS MUST LEAD Leadership is the ability to lead. Don't let the simplicity of the idea fool you. A leader must lead. Your are not a leader by virtue of your position, you are a…
SLEEP WHEN THE WIND BLOWS Years ago, a Cornish farmer owned a farm along the Atlantic seaboard. He constantly advertised for hired hands. Most people were reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic. They…
