Lord, Shut My Mouth

For those among you who would like to better your life by losing weight, there is the “Dieter’s Prayer,” suggested by a medical doctor:

Lord, grant me the strength that I may not fall
into the clutches of cholesterol.

At polyunsaturate I’ll never mutter,
for the road to hell is paved with butter.

And cake is cursed and cream is awful
and Satan is hiding in every waffle.

Beelzebub is himself a chocolate drop
and Lucifer is a lollipop.

Teach me the evils of hollandaise,
of pasta and gobs of mayonnaise.

And crisp-fried chicken from the South —
Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth!1

“Lord, if You love me, tell me how to better my life! Lord, if You love me, tell me how to feel really good about myself! Lord, if You really love me, show me the way to happiness for my life!” We come together with the Lord in our midst, aching for an…