LET YOUR MATES PICK YOUR MATE On June 4, 1998 The Denver Post ran an Associated Press article by Rochelle Olson about David Weinlick, a graduate student in anthropology, and Elizabeth Runze, a pharmacy student…
ANOTHER LIGHT BULB JOKE Q: How many United Methodist preachers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. What did you expect? (But it takes twelve of them to have a meeting…
BURNED BY THE BUSH George Bush finally died and went to heaven. Things seemed to go quite well in heaven. Everyone was so friendly and caring- -except one person. George continued to enjoy heaven, but…
WALKING NAKED He wasn't nude, but the mayor of North Platte, Neb., did keep his promise to walk Naked down the street. Mayor Jim Whitaker said he'd walk "naked" if the Paws-itive Partners Humane Society…
TAXING THE WHOLE WORLD The Sunday School teacher began the lesson with a review of what they had learned last week. The teacher asked, "Who decreed that the whole world would be taxed?" With all…
TWISTED TOAST Here's to you, as good as you are. /Here's to me as bad as I am. As good as you are and as bad as I am, I'm as good as you are,…
MILITARY EVALUATIONS Years ago, my mother told her five children that we could no longer tell each other to "SHUT UP!" so we created an alternative expression: "DISCONTINUE YOUR VERBAL ACTIVITY!" which could be said…
BRILLIANT DEDUCTION Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of the world-famous detective, Sherlock Holmes, tells a story on himself: As he tells it, he was waiting for a taxi outside the railway station in Paris.…
TAXATION SCAM At the risk of being audited this year, I submit the following satire by C. Richard Stone: SCAM ALERT! WARNING! PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY! THIS IS SERIOUS!!! If you get an envelope from a…
Y2K DELAY Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will be delayed until the second quarter of 1901.
BARBIE GETS DIVORCED A man is driving home from work and suddenly remembers that it is his daughter's birthday and that he has not bought her a gift. He turns his car around and heads…
GOD NEVER DIED! The most extraordinary thing about the 20th century was the failure of God to die. The collapse of mass religious belief, especially among the educated and prosperous, had been widely & confidently…
ERASING GOD'S MESSAGES Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip tells of a time when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son Jeffy said, "Daddy, how do you know what…
Y-ZERO-K PROBLEM FROM: Plutonius in Rome DATE: January 18, 1 B.C. MESSAGE: Dear Cassius, Are you still working on the Y zero K problem? This change from BC to AD is giving us a lot…
HELPING THE PRESIDENT A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon comes to a dead halt in traffic and thinks to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even…
TAXING GOD A little boy needed $100 very badly and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up. Then he decided to…
THE ONE WHO GETS THE SON Years ago, there was a very wealthy man who, with his devoted young son, shared a passion for art collecting. Together they traveled around the world, adding only the…
SURPRISE ASSISTANCE One night, at 11:30 PM, an older African-American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down, and she desperately needed…
100 GIGABURGER BUG Experts warned today of a new and deadly threat to our beleaguered civilization: the 100GB Bug. As most people know, McDonald's restaurant signs show the number of hamburgers the giant chain has…
BAD LABELS Actual Label Instructions On Consumer Goods: On a Sears hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping. On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. On a…
