ONE-SEATER BATHROOM A nurses' aide was helping a patient into the bathroom when the patient exclaimed, "You're not coming in here with me. This is only a one-seater!"
Sermon Illustrations
SHAYA'S GRAND SLAM In Brooklyn, New York, Chush is a school that caters to learning-disabled children. Some children remain in Chush for their entire school career, while others can be main-streamed into conventional Jewish schools.…
AGES OF LEARNING I 've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night." Age 6 I've learned that our dog doesn't want to eat my broccoli either. Age 7…
INTRINSIC VALUE A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I…
PICTURE THIS A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo…
TOO MUCH TO EXPLAIN A man is by himself in a movie theater and is waiting for the movie to start. He leans over to a large woman who happens to be sitting next to…
WHEN CRIME PAYS TOO MUCH The annual Darwin Awards are always a fun way to realize there are people more stupid than the rest of the human race which probably includes you and me. Here…
GIFT OF FRIENDSHIP "Friendship is the greatest of worldly goods. Certainly to me it is the chief happiness of life. If I had to give a piece of advice to a young man about a…
I'LL BE BACH A group of action hero movie stars were going to play in a movie that highlighted famous musicians. They were trying to decide which star would play which famous musician. Sylvester Stallone…
THREE TRUTHS "The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." According to Bill Clinton, these are three different things. From a joke by Jay Leno on "The Tonight Show" on May 8, 2000
IMMATURE WIFE Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. -- Woody Allen
GROWING UP TO BE POSSIBLE The following account exemplifies the power of words: A teacher asked her class what each wanted to become when they grew up. A chorus of responses came from all over…
WHAT HE THINKS A man is what he thinks about all day long. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
BABY-SITTER FOR JESUS A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."
BACKUP FOR MOM A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."
FOLLOWING OR CATCHING A father asked his son, "If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump off as well?" The boy thought for a moment and answered, "No, if all my friends…
REVOCABLE AWARD When Brian McKnight was given a Blockbuster award for best male Rhythm and Blues artist, he said that he hoped that Blockbuster would not change their minds and take the award back when…
SELF- CONTROLLED BEGGAR A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." The woman looked at the beggar with admiration and said,…
ENOUGH May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.
LOVE EXCHANGED Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be…
