POSITIVE PRIORITIES There have been a number of television programs and books produced by positive-thinking promoters who say you can be anything you want to be and do anything you want to do. It makes…
Sermon Illustrations
HORSE MECHANIC A man was taking a drive in the country when his car suddenly stopped running. He had coasted to the side of the road and lifted the hood when an old horse came…
PIG TIME A man from the city was driving through the country and saw a curious sight. Along the side of the road was a farmer holding a pig in a cornfield, feeding the pig…
DEAD DUCKS A hunter had spent the weekend hunting for ducks and had not even seen one. As he was driving home, he passed a farm with a pond filled with tame ducks. At the…
BETTER THAN MOTHER The boss was firing one of his employees. The irate employee demanded a reason for this harsh action. The boss did not agree with the accusation of being unfair. "I have treated…
LEGAL SIZE PAPER The only reason for legal size paper is that lawyers are unable to get all their mumbo-jumbo on the same size of paper the rest of us use.
LAWYERS NEEDED It's a good thing there are lawyers, or there would be no one here to explain to the rest of the population why it is so important for us to have lawyers.
MATRIMONIAL VENGEANCE The war-torn husband finally found a way to get his wife to not use his razor to scrape paint. He began to use her toothbrush to clean his white wall tires.
SENSE OF HUMOR INSTEAD OF SMELL "Bring to India a strong sense of humor and no sense of smell." Amy Carmichael, Irish Presbyterian in India from 1896 to her death in 1951, from Dicky Love
BLOW THE RIGHT HORN Make sure it is God's trumpet you are blowing -- if it is only yours, it won't wake the dead; it will simply disturb the neighbors. Major W. Ian Thomas, quoted…
FORCED GIVING The pastor encountered a little boy standing in the hall after Sunday School crying. When he asked what was wrong, the boy pointed back inside the classroom and said, "That teacher took my…
ONE SURVIVOR After crawling into Grandpa's lap, little Freddie asked, 'Were you in the ark, Grandpa?' The grandfather chuckled, 'Why no, Son, I wasn't." The youngster persisted, "Then why weren't you drowned?" From Sword of…
MULES AND HORSES It was an unusually warm day during a fall roundup on the edge of the Blue Range, and we were running out of fresh horses faster than we were running out of…
MATHEMATICS OF LIFE AND DEATH Epitaph on a rich man's tomb in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil: "I struggled with arithmetic all my life. As a child, I learned to add. As a young man, I…
THEY'VE LOST GOD There were two notoriously bad brothers, rascals from the cradle. Whenever anything out of line would happen around the little town they would catch the blame, and they were usually the guilty…
CUT IT HALF IN TWO Several years ago there was a woman who moved from northern Michigan to Arkansas. During the move, she was helping to supervise some of the construction on their new home.…
A SOLID BOTTOM SOMEWHERE The production manager of an oil company was called to inspect a temporary sump with a view to building a regular concrete basin instead. He asked a nearby workman if the…
THE PET BULL There's an amusing story in the section called LITE FARE of a recent issue of The Christian Reader. It seems this particular woman was always volunteering to help with the chores on…
RING THE BELL YOURSELF A man was driving past a country estate and saw a sign on a gate post: "Please ring bell for caretaker." So, the man rang the bell and an ancient old…
TIME TO WATCH YOUR STEP "By the time some men learn to watch their step, they are too old to go anywhere."
