PREVENTING FLORIST FRIARS These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the…
Sermon Illustrations
STRETCHING THE STORY A couple of good buddies spent a considerable amount of their time fishing together or talking about their fishing experiences with other friends. On one such occasion, one of the fisherman friends…
CRITICAL OR CORRECT How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct. -- Benjamin Disraeli
NOT FIT TO DRINK One day Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes…
SON PREVENTS BURNING Seen on a South Carolina church sign board: Expose yourself to the Son; it prevents burning. From Dick Burgie, Christ Lutheran Church, Heath, Ohio
WE ALL MUST FINISH I read not long ago about an Air Force pilot who said that the obstacle course in basic training changed his life. On his first attempt he completed the course far…
PIGS IN THE FAMILY A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed…
SOMETHING TO DO WITH RUSSIA Bill was telling his girlfriend Janice about the speed reading course he had just taken. "I was able to read War and Peace in just twenty minutes." Janice was impressed.…
JUST DO IT Wendy Kaminer, a modern Jew trying to comprehend Christianity, confesses that "as an article of faith, this doctrine of salvation by grace and grace alone is remarkably unappealing to me. It takes,…
WITHOUT A TRACE OF ENTHUSIASM I was reading George Cary's sermon at The United Methodist General Conference, May 10, 2000 and want to share a portion with you: "As you know, the Methodists were determined…
WASHING DIRTY FEET Don't you criticize their dirty feet until you're ready to wash 'em. -- Kenneth Copeland
REASONS ENGLISH IS HARD TO LEARN The bandage was wound around the wound. The farm was used to produce produce. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. We must polish…
EXTENDED HOME SURVEY The staff at my market research company are required to telephone people at home. They are sometimes met with hostility, but one woman pleasantly agreed to help and then patiently answered all…
LOVE FOR HIS BROTHER Jack Kelley is the foreign affairs editor for USA Today and has been nominated for a Pulitzer prize. He tells the story of a boy's sacrificial love: We were in Mogadishu,…
ANYTHING FOR A GRADE Early in the semester, a student stops by during the professor's office hours. He bids her enter. She glances up and down the hall, steps in, closes the door and says,…
GROW YOUR OWN WIVES Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen--he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives. -- David Letterman
GOD'S WILL & HIS PLANS I find that doing the will of God leaves me with no time for disputing about His plans. -- George MacDonald (1824-1905)
A QUESTIONABLE MUSCULAR SOLUTION Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes forty- two muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes four muscles to…
COVER THE SNAKE A man purchased a white mouse to use as food for his pet snake. He dropped the unsuspecting mouse into the snake's glass cage, where the snake was sleeping in a bed…
CHURCH SMELL The church is like Noah's ark. If it weren't for the storm outside, you could not stand the smell inside. From a Medieval writing
