CAT QUOTES "Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want." -- Joseph Wood Krutch
Sermon Illustrations
WHAT IS LOVE? A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have…
ULTIMATE WARNING Nine months before Batista's coup which led to incredible corruption and brutality in Cuba, Eduaro Chibas, founder of the Cuban People's Party, shot himself during one of his weekly political broadcasts. To Cubans…
MARRIAGE BY JURY I was married by a judge, I should have asked for a jury. -- Groucho Marx
HIS HANDS A basketball in my hands is worth about $19. A basketball in Michael Jordan's hands is worth about $33 million. It depends whose hands it's in. A baseball in my hands is worth…
GIVING GOAL "The proper aim of giving is to put the recipient in a state where he no longer needs our gift." The Quotable Lewis, 550; The Four Loves, chapter 3, paragraph 38, page 76
BLACK & WHITE & GREEN Question: What's black and white and black and white and black and white and green? Answer: Three zebras fighting over a pickle.
OLD ENOUGH BUT NOT SMART ENOUGH A young man walked into a corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,…
WOODY ALLEN ON SPEED READING I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. -- Woody Allen
SHARK PICTURES While fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized the boat. The man was not sure if it was safe to swim to shore. He saw a man with a camera who stood…
ONE DOLLAR FOR EACH POINT A college professor was giving the final exam to his students. He distributed the tests to the class and waited for his students to finish. When the students handed in…
BOTH SIDES OF THE SLIDES Two teachers from different school systems were comparing how cheap their school systems were. One teacher finally won the contest with this statement: "My school system is so cheap they…
BETTING ON GOLIATH An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural- history museum. "I've…
GRATITUDE RELEASED Gratitude, like perfume, is of no real value unless it is released.
GOD'S TWO DWELLING PLACES He that urgest gratitude pleads the cause both of God and men. The true God has two dwellings, one in heaven and one in a thankful heart. -- Seneca
FIGHTING GARLIC WITH GARLIC As a culture, we treat immorality like garlic. When I eat a lot of garlic, my breath is going to stink. So I warn my wife. And she takes defensive measures.…
CORNFIELD MISSIONARIES I 'll never forget an incident that happened when I was about ten years old. We had two or three men in the church who, in every public prayer I ever heard them…
WHOSE HOUSE IN HEAVEN? This following story can be used for sports stars or teams, denominational leaders, or schools and teachers. You can fill in your own blanks if you want. It is custom-made for…
DON'T FORGET THE WATER A small boy is sent to bed by his father . . . [Five minutes later] "Da-ad . . ." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"…
VIOLENT MARTIN LUTHER Martin Luther: If I were Christ and the world treated me as it treated Him, I would kick the wretched thing to pieces.
